I am hungry.

My life is water

random thought: I think I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper. Mmm. Dr. Pepper. You know what would be cool? To meet someone named Pepper, and they would coincidentally be a doctor. And then I would say the obvious thing, "OH MY GOD, YOUR NAME! DID YOU NOTICE YOUR NAME?? ITS DR. PEPPER!!!" haha. I'd be so obnoxious.

Why did I bring that up, anyway? I don't know. Because I'm sipping that lovely poison right now. I also kind of like the flavored Dasani water. I already like water, but sometimes I need that extra zing. Something not so boring. My life is water from costco (did I spell that right?). I need to upgrade to raspberry flavored dasani water. Or something like that.

So I watched Grey's Anatomy last night. It managed to bring tears to my eyes, along with screaming at the television frequently because they do it right. Yeah, they do it right. And the break up sex. Yes! Yes. Yes I'm saying yes because I like the thought of break up sex. Why the fuck not, eh? Well, I like the thought of sex anyway. Because I'm a slightly perverted bastard. ...Yep.

So yeah, many scenes in that episode reminded me of my own *insert amazing and better word for "shit"* and it frustrated me. That explains my frequent outbursts to the screen. And that's because I watch the show alone, and feel the need to express myself outwardly (which is very opposite of my natural self).

And I like Lexi. I do. She warms my heart. And Izzy. Of course Izzy. She is bambi. She saved bambi! And her interns are asses. I was about to jump through the screen and cut off the dude's balls when he said, "I heard she was blah blah blah blah blahb blah" -- no that's not what he said, but I was too angry to remember and care about what he exactly said.

Sorry. I'm sorry. Why am I going off on this crap? I never know what to write...

...I want to be on a stage. With a guitar. Dancing and playing. And I want to feel that crowd. I want to feel my heart beat with the bass drum. I want to lose myself in that energy. Yessss.. that would be amazing right now.

...in bed

[[quick great/slightly embarrassing moment of the day that won't make sense: I was so excited during a discussion on the Power of One in class, that I was like YES I SAID THAT when Leaney said that mine (as in mines) and mind is spelled ALMOST the same.. and she was like but its a mistake, and I immediately was like oh... okay *head down*]] like like like yeah whatever.

I am quite saddened by the fact that I only have 5 days left with this MacBook. It has been incredibly helpful.. and easily accessible.. whether if I have been at a table, my couch, or my bed (like I am right now). If only I could say the same thing about a girl. Haha. Easy access wherever I am. Just for me. That's lovely. I wonder if that'll ever be possible. Any takers? .. silence. Point taken.

Well, I have horrible cramps, and instead of my usual night workout, I have decided to type away in bed. I think every sentence should end "in bed". I love adding "in bed" to fortune cookie sayings. In fact one of the fortunes I have saved (its part of my ipod MINI case..yeah, thats right, MINI....but obviously not mini, because its like a brick compared to nano's) says: "You will always be surrounded by true friends..." ..IN BED! Great huh? ... Okay maybe not. Moving on...

I feel like I should pay more attention to my blog. Poor blog, how I have neglected you. But here you still are, allowing me to type words onto you. How you let me use you. Abuse you. Mmm. You deserve way better. You deserve focused entries. Unlike this one which is my mind just puking out whatever I please. If only you, blog, would slap me in the face, and tell me to get to the damn point.

Okay, here's one thing I realized today. Twenty three, has managed to come back to me again. Freakin A! Well, on this month's 23rd day, it felt like a normal day, until I realized I had a text message from someone. Someone intriguing. Intimidating. Unpredictable. It's so funny that it's only coincidental.. but, this person, has part in the original meaning. The breaking of the original meaning. It's been three years since we've last seen eachother... crazy. I know I'm talking way too symbolically, but, yeah. As much as I'd love to be straightforward, I still want to conceal things. And it's way too hard to explain anyway.

I came to this realization in the bathroom. So funny, so true that epiphany's do happen on the toilet. But I wasn't on the toilet. I remember I was looking into the mirror and just staring at my reflection. Most likely talking to myself and BAM! Hello 23.

I keep on kidding around about oh, she must want me if she texts me when she knows she's in my neighborhood for 2 weeks. At the very least I know she was thinking of me (..in bed.. sorry, I had to it was perfect). Mmm, I always get excited when someone hot thinks about me (in bed). I had such a big crush on her when I was a freshman, yet, I was with someone. ...Ah.. good times (in bed). ..Maybe Lynn does leave an impression on some girls (in bed)? Maybe.. maybe......

I hope we do get to hang out (in bed). Although, I have a feeling that things aren't going my way (in bed).. But I will keep thinking about it (in bed). I just hate that I'm so busy (in bed ;]). Sorry is this annoying you? hahaha.

Its okay, I and myself are the readers of my blog. Just like the viewers of my youtube account. my goal: not to be a youtube celebrity. and you know what? MY GOAL IS ACHIEVED!

I do want some sort of fame to nourish my ego. What's not great about girls loving you (in bed)? I want fans...

explain to me this conspiracy against me

they all play their heart out.. but of course hayley stands out. i wish i could explain the conspiracy. but.. if i ever met her, i'd probably embarrass myself horribly... damn, they make me want to be a rockstar again. -.-

pictures are deceiving

So here I am, the 23rd picture off the photobooth's "film roll" ... Its convenient to have this macbook, but, inconvenient that i can only do so much on it.

I really want to start another writing project. I had so many ideas burst in my mind while in Japan. All through what I've seen, the people I met/wish I met, what I felt... etc.

But now that I'm home, all I can feel is the loneliness. Invisibility. So many things remind me of the past, and I get greedy and want the past to fly back to me. I know that its impossible, yet I cant help it. I really can't. I hate being alone.