dear you

i'm finally coming to terms with it. and though, i know you'll probably never EVER come across this blog.. i just need to write it out.

we shared something that wasn't natural. we lived a life that most don't. we lived a secret. we were stuck in our own little world--literally. and even though it was me that initially *tried* to step out of the world, you were the one to truly put it behind you first. and here, i sat, dazed, delirious... regretting. but i knew one of us had to feel it first.

i guess it just hurt because when i found out, thats when i needed someone in my life. i thought i was losing my grandpa. and that piece of news from you, truly just dug deep and kind of just took me off my track. i finally felt that broken heart.

so i started to do things to get my mind off of you. get things done for myself, to make myself feel better. getting my lobes stretched. saving money for piercings and tattoos. hanging out with my friends more often--people that CARE about me and my well-being. not just people who call me up when no one else can help them. not just people that call me up because they need something for me to do for them. i can't believe i let myself be your bitch for so long. and now i feel even more stupid because im feeling hurt that you've moved on quicker than i did.

not to say, that i haven't met new people. its just that i haven't made that step. but maybe, thats YOUR insecurity. you NEED someone to be there for you. you NEED that intimacy because you don't know how to be alone. is it always like that for pretty girls?

you haven't heard from me since you texted me for a weed hook up. the last you'll hear from me is just a short happy birthday text in a few weeks. because i can't give a shit anymore. it's stupid. and you make me feel worthless.

but i know, i have other people. other people that i can chill with, sober and drunk. laugh and cry. and i can be me, without them being ashamed of me. in fact, they're happy to be around me. they were here before you were in my life, and they'll be here when you're forever gone.

if for some shit miracle happens where we become friends again, so fucking be it. but its not because im there to be your bitch again.

so goodbye, you. glad you have someone else to take care of your bitchwork. don't come crawling when they're tired of it.

im sure you'll have a fan base soon, and you'll never feel alone because you're doing the whole music thing. but hey, just don't lose yourself. whomever that may be, because i sure as hell don't know anymore. and just know that once you hit that point, alot people will be in your life for the wrong reason--if they aren't already. so. whatever, good luck.


sincerely,
me.