cigarillo

por favor.
gracias.

ey

too tired.
can't wait for my bed after this long ass day.
probably be home at midnight or some shit like that.

HMmmmmmmmmmmmmzzzz.. zzz.

glock and pop

i didnt even get myself a free slurpee today.

life support

apparently, they're going to take my grandpa off of life support today.


goood thing i drank as much as i could.
fuck.


i love you tatay. say hello to nanay for me.

i need to sleep.

im in dire need of a "fuck it" day

i need a day where i just don't give a shit about what ANYONE has to say.
i need a day to just be rude, because i'm tired of being the nice girl.
i need a day to just be belligerent drunk, and see how you like it.
i need a day where i don't hear any complaints about ANYTHING (especially stupid petty shit)
i need a day where i don't give a shit about whether i look good or not to you.
i need a day where the con-artists show their true identity.
i need a day where you bow down to me, and realize what you have in front of you.
i need a day to kick you to the curb, at least 100 times.
i need a day where i can laugh at you begging for forgiveness
i need a day, where i can just say "fuck it" and it doesn't matter anymore.

damn my broke ass

even if i had just ONE dollar (and some change). i could get myself two tacos from jack in the box.

BUT NO.

and all my cigarettes are gone (thanks marlin, ass) so i can't smoke the hunger away.

mmm. life, you aren't tasty.

and someone just posted a pic of choc/vanilla swirl ice cream cone on facebook--THE TORTURE!

i should make a quick friend so they can buy me something to eat HAHA. yeah right, fuck people.

understanding self

this was in my interpersonal communications text, and i liked it.

monday

i'm gonna need you to say something.

we want the wrong people to give a shit so much that we're oblivious and blind to those that do.

and those same people, are in our position, except we're now the wrong people that don't give a shit. and those people, have others, that do give a shit, but are forgotten.

so its a never ending cycle.

unless, by force of nature, you're perfect. and you're not blind to anybody, and see everyone.

but our actions are never perfect. never absolute. and ALWAYS create a chain that affects someone else.

think.
or don't.

someone pays for it in the end.

reverie

i must be PMSing like hell, but im in one of the worst moods ever.

i just want to say "FUCK YOU" to almost everybody.

i want to say that i hate that you have me around your finger. that you probably always will. even though i'm the one that ended it. we created this life that i grew used to. you took me away from everybody, LITERALLY. everything will eternally remind me of you. i can still taste you. i can still smell you. and i want to get away from it all. i want to make more mistakes, but you hold me back and you're not even here. i want to be the hottest piece of shit around and i want you to regret never trying harder. and you know you'll always remember the way i touched you here. and there. everywhere. yeah, i fucking miss you, but the old you. whoever this girl is now, whenever i see her in front of me, it's a fucking stranger. and you expect me to just act like everything is PERFECT. everything is fine.

you know what? i liked hearing that you're sad, and in pain. i know that's wrong.

but fuck you. fuck that. fuck all relationships.

in fact. fuck everyone. we all have our own agenda. we take down people out of neccesity. and if we don't, we feel fucking lost because we're not in control. i should know because this is EXACTLY how i'm feeling.

so i don't want to float around.

but maybe i do want to break some hearts, more than just yours. maybe i just want to break mine. push myself towards a person that i KNOW will never love me. that i KNOW will never give me the time of day. because i know pain best.

the next person i'm with, will always hate the last person that had me. all this jealousy. but my core being just can't be a slut.

and jealousy when there isn't even SHIT there. don't get me fucking started on that.

i swear. i had a dream a few days ago where i thought i was dead (fuck, maybe i am). and that i'm just in fucking purgatory because you're all TORTURING ME to no ends. its like Wristcutters (the movie, or the book it was based on) for fucks sake. everyone is in this constant reverie around me. nobody is fucking happy or content. or my mind is fucking with me because none of you are real to me. so it just makes me wonder, the exact moment when my whole life changed for me. i shouldn't be home. i should be somewhere else GROWING. and not stuck at this constant level of stupidity.

where are my friends?

too busy trying to fix a relationship, or too busy trying to deny feelings.

get the fuck out of here with that shit!

i've never wanted to just SCREAM so much in my life. well, that's not true. you've made me want to punch things, even you. no one's ever made me want to do that. and i loved you. truly, truly loved you. i can't believe how GOOD i was to you.

but who the hell am i, now? i've changed so much. i've never feared the possibilities of life so much. what happened to the girl that had all this ambition, that wanted things better than the life she grew up with. isn't that the point of life? .. no, but we're taught to every fucking second of the day that life is supposed to constantly get better (with of course all the twists and turns and steep falls.. but in the end you're SUPPOSED to feel like you've gotten somewhere... ugh my ASS)

and then we realize, at some point, it's the same for a lot of people. it doesn't get much better than its already been.

i know. i'm only fucking 20. and i hate being this pessimistic.

maybe i need to surround myself with people that don't have such fucked up ways. with a clear thought in their head. not people just interested in a quick fuck, a quick high. but hey, that's me. so who the fuck am i to judge.

who am i to screen people like that, when i'm just the same. i'm no better than you. and you are no better than me.

just because you look better than me, proves nothing. you just attract people alot easier. who the FUCK cares.

what a fucking rant that makes no fucking sense. ugh fuckkkkkk life.

melancholy

what is there to end.

blank

Ten Things About You Right Now.

1. i've stopped drinking soda.
2. i should be studying
3. i'm excited about celebrating numerous bdays tonight
4. i'm listening to bossa nova.
5. i wish i went to EDC
6. i'm wearing my favorite pair of shorts
7. my striped shirt matches my striped socks <3 lol
8. my eye is itchy.
9. i'm ready to hop in the shower
10. i wish i were talking to someone.

Nine Things I Wish I Could Say To Nine Different People.

1. so where the hell have you been?
2. do you REALLY mean what you say..
3. we need to hang out fool!
4. tits
5. i miss you, and im glad you're healthy now
6. so when are you visiting me?
7. we need a trip to six flags, have a funnel cake fight, and scream our asses off
8. you're kinda really intimidating
9. we need to get our tattoos PRONTO


Eight Ways To Win My Heart... but really don't bother doing this stuff right now. so "Eight things I find ATTRACTIVE"

1. tattoos--and the reasons for them
2. long, luxurious hair. usually wavy and preferably dark. OMG.
3. piercings.
4. a creative mind
5. can talk about anything
6. handling your liquor
7. spending time to make yourself presentable--but not purely relying on your looks
8. applied ambition


Seven Questions That Cross My Mind.

1. What the hell am I really trying to do?
2. Do I really want to put myself through this?
3. Are you going to keep letting me down?
4. Am I ever going to get a second job?
5. Why did we stop talking?
6. Do you think I'm pretty? lol
7. Will I get to meet my idol?

Six Things I Do Before I Go To Bed.

1. shower
2. brush my teeth
3. stretch
4. check email/fb/all that shit.
5. text
6. yawn

Five People Who Mean A Lot To Me. i'm just gonna write type the first letter.

1. A.
2. D.
3. A.
4. C.
5. and i guess i have a vacancy.


Four Things I Am Wearing Right Now.

1. long shirt
2. bra
3. shorts
4. panties

Three Songs I Listen To A Lot, Lately.

1. kid cudi (steve aoki remix) - pursuit of happiness
2. ne-yo - beautiful monster
3. uffie ft. pharell williams - ADD SUV


Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die.

1. be on stage in front of thousands, and then stage dive.
2. fuck/date lady gaga =] <3 hahahaha. so serious.

One Confession.

1. i can't stand vodka. but i drink it anyway. as long as i have cranberry juice.