Today, I thought about you

I hate thinking about you. It's inconvenient, especially because I do not want to miss you. I do NOT want to miss that unhealthy relationship.

However, I cannot help but wonder how you are doing with life. No, I do not want to help you out anymore, but I do hope that you're not in a deep shit hole as well, and actually doing something productive. I don't even have your number anymore.

I could look you up on facebook, probably, and message you for it. But, I really do not want to go down that path. I really promised myself that the last time I would contact you, would be on your birthday, through a text, just to say happy birthday. I'm not reaching out anymore because I do not want it to seem like I still want you. I do not want you to think that I miss what we had. I do not want you to think that I'm going to try and break up whatever you got going on right now.

So, that's just why I thought about you. I cannot talk to you. I feel like we would not have much to say. I do wonder, if we will ever be friends again though. Would we be mature enough? I really was just trying to be friends again, but you thought I wanted more. Definitely. Not.

So I stopped texting you. Eventually lost your number when my phone erased them all. And I don't really care to get it back, unless you decide to randomly contact me. My number has never changed, but yours always does. Why? Cuz you could never pay your shit on time. So that's why, I do not want to talk to you. Because, while I do hope you're doing better, I want you to be having a shitty time as well.

That is why I can't talk to you. We can't be civil.

So the end.

I doubt you even think about me anyway.