Until I Move Out.

It feels like I have to suppress my feelings.
Feelings about everything.
Family.
Friends.
People I like.

Because there's just no use in tackling these problems, if I cannot be independent.
Who the hell wants to deal with a girl that can't have a life? People want to have fun when they are interested in someone. They want to have a night out without having to worry about curfews.

It's not that I want to be older. I just want to be trusted.
I made a HUGE fucking mistake, and I guess I'm still paying my dues.

Whatever. I'll just repress anything sexual. Put it into an energy that will get me through school faster, get me money faster. So I can get the fuck away from here.

withering away

what the hell happened?
...
nothing but cryptic talk.
skipping ever so delicately around.
back to the way things never were

stalemate.
my home.

a girl can dream.

see price here

An Experience

Walk. walk. walk.
Inhale. Savor. Exhale.

Forward to a setting where you're being drawn. Or not.
Totally high.
Strange music playing in the background, yet freezes in your ears. Drowning.
He stands so nonchalant. Sipping that coffee.
Calls my name and I'm totally gone. Oblivious.
And he eyes me.

Rewind. "Why go to the club, or parties.
I'd rather get high and see some fucking art."
I Agree. I'd love to be like Warhol.
Or be his factory girl.

Forward. Motherfucker, fuck me. Lover. THERE SHE WALKS,
With 2 curls laid out by each ear.
She's gorgeous.
Timer on. Ticking away. Slips out of the white cover.
Draw it all in. Inhale once again. Shit, stress while I float.
Charcoal dust flying from my finger tips. Falling from my canvas. Never. Never. Never.
She sees me look at her.
Avert my eyes. She's bare. Vulnerable.
I'm sorry.
Pose/sketch/pose/sketch/pose/sketch/pose/sketch/pose/sketch
Scribble. Detail. Shade
Tedious work.
Surface art and drugs.
Let me draw yours lines. Let me lay out the powder.
Let me draw your shadows. Let me breathe you in.
Let me draw your shell. Let me pass this.
Then break it, deeper
to vulnerability. to Fear.
Let me.
Or make me avert my gaze.

where do we go for an hour?
look at you. just like everyone else.
put you down. pick you up again. pass you around.
you stand still. twitch. sweat. try not to move.
ambitious. and delirious.
"Thanks. You were fabulous"

Life: art in the making, your drama, your problems, you are an altered reality. that is art.