transient

the truth is, i've been trying so hard to detach myself from you. and for the past few weeks, i thought i had a grip on that.

i still know where i stand, and i know i am not going to put up with it.
it's just the fact that after these years, after everything.. EVERYTHING.. i can't believe that i don't see anything positive in you. well, not necessarily all true, but the negatives greatly outweigh the positives.

i guess for too long, i've let myself tip the balance in your favor. but i can't. when i let it go, it horrifies me with the truth it speaks.

i try not to think about you, but you're everywhere.
i try not to talk about you, but everyone asks me about you.
i cant even listen to certain songs anymore. and now you're trying to make music.

i hate the power that you have over me. i hate that i still care for you, and probably always will. but i hate that after all i've done, after i can't help you any longer.. that me leaving you, wasn't enough spark to get you walking in the right direction.

i don't want us. that's not my goal anymore. we had us. i want you, to be a better you. there's no other way for me to say it. and i can't say it in a way that you'd want to hear.

what did you gain from me? what was the purpose of me? what was the purpose of our relationship? why did you stray if i meant so much? why risk that?

of course i don't forget. i only forgot because you needed someone. you needed to know someone that truly cares. someone who wouldn't leave you behind. you needed support, and i bent over backwards over and over.

and even when i finally detached myself from you. you're still there.

so i hope you're happy. you wanted someone you can control. i was your bitch. i thought the love i had for you, and the love i thought you had for me would mask it.

what we had was great. but something went wrong.

i can't anymore. i just can't.